Wordless

Wordless Wednesday

The Lord's Favor

Today I got a gift from the Lord. $500. bucks to be exact! Praise God! I was in complete shock when I got the check. I called Stacy from Church to find out why they had giving me a check like that. She told me that everything that I have been going through that it was a Love Offering from the Church...... Hello? Thank God! Isn't it great how the Lord knows just when to give you favor. He is so good to me and my family. This week Chris started his new job and will be with out a paycheck this week. Being that the Lord already knew that and I was fretting on how I was going to get all my weekly bills paid, He made the way!

Psalm 116:12

How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me?

A rough weekend

Monday again, Thank God I made it through the weekend. Friday after work a large group from work went to Laura's Visitation at her Church. It was unbelievable all the people that were there. I was alright until I saw her boys and her husband. I just feel so bad for them. I got to meet her parents and her brother for the first time. Great people. They miss her terribly. Saturday morning was the funeral. That was very difficult. There were so many people there. I am guessing about 2000. Their Church will seat about 1400 and there was loads in the balcony and standing room only. It was a very lifting service as well as a tribute to her life. It lasted over a hour and then majority of them went to the cemetery as well.


I woke up in the early hours of Saturday morning to use the restroom and realized I had an UTI. So I was uncomfortable during the services. But I made it home close to 2 p.m. I didn't do a thing all day. Chris had plans to take the kids and a group of their friends Bowling that evening. It worked out well with just Lane and I being at home. Since I have been having trouble sleeping we went to bed by 8 p.m.


Sunday morning I woke with pains from the UTI and also a terrible sinus headache. By late afternoon, I was able to kick my family in gear to help clean up the heaping piles of junk throughout my house. It was one hell of a week and I didn't do crap. As a result, it took all 6 of us to get it close to normal yesterday. I still didn't get my Christmas decorations put up, maybe this weekend.


Maybe this week we will be able to get back to normal routines at work. I have a call into my pastor to set up a time to meet with him. I just really need to get spiritual guidance through all this. I don't want to loose my grip with my faith and the enemy has really been doing a number with some unanswered questions and thoughts. I know I will never know "WHY" but I just need to talk with him.

In Memory Laura A Smith

We all need to call

On God’s holy power

When we’re in our deepest need

And in our saddest hour

God is never distant

He sheds a tear with you

He knows the pain your feeling

And what you’re going through

When you place your hope

In His undying love

You will know His peace

Like a mighty rushing flood.

© By M.S.Lowndes

Real Bad Meltdown

Last night was a rough one. For 3 nights in a row Lane didn't have his medication. I know it was my fault but New Years Eve we spent the night at SIL's house unexpected and then the next day we stayed there all day until evening and he was asleep when we got home. Wed. night he was already asleep when I got back from Austin. But it is a definite that his medicine has been working. I just didn't realize how well until his over an hour long melt down last night. I did notice that he was a bit more moodier that morning but I just figured he was tired and he has a little cough too. Yesterday evening he was in a bad mood when we got home and went into a complete meltdown when it was time for a bath. Chris figured since he needed a bath that he would do it then beings he was already in a bad mood. I ran to town to get a few things from the store and when I got back 20 mins later it was horrible. Screaming, crying, throwing things, knocking things down, hitting, kicking, name calling, etc. It is one of the worst rages he has been in, in a long time. It really tested Chris. I was pretty proud of him and how well he handled it. It is hard for him to keep his cool through all of that and he did good. But now he knows where I keep the medicine and he knows to give it to him every night even when I am not there to see that he gets it.
We still don't have a diagnosis and won't for a long time, but we (the doctor and us) are leaning towards Bipolar. It is so clear with him having so many of the symptoms. We have a long road ahead and I keep praying for the strength to deal with this. It is all new to me. None of my other kids have gone through something like this and it is very difficult to adapt too. But there is a plenty of resources and information for me to read up on. And that is just what I have been doing. But Prayer is my main source.

SHOCKING

I lost a good friend and coworker yesterday. I am in just complete shock over it. A 37 year old, good, loving, beautiful person, wife, mother of 2 beautiful boys, but all that doesn't compair I guess to the thoughts she had of herself. She took her own life early yesterday afternoon. She dropped her boys to her parent's house and was in a good mood, smiling, talked about meeting them for lunch at 11:30. But she never came to work. Instead she went up the highway a couple of miles and turned off on a county road. Went down about 1/2 a mile or so pulled up to a gate to a hay pasture and only she knows how long she sat there. But the call came into 911 at 1:26 pm.
I just wonder what all was going through her head, how long was this planned, was it from the years of depression and guilt from her twin sister's suicide about 18 years ago? All of us at work today are just numb, confused, lots of unanswered questions.
I guess you really don't know about people even though you think you know them... I just feel so bad for her family. Her boys, husband and her parents. They are reliving what they went through with her twin sister all those years ago.
Now we wait for the services and try to live life as well as we can. Try to get through the day with out driving ourselves crazy with all the questions and thoughts running through our heads.

enjoying family time

I had a really good weekend with my Husband and the boys. We went Friday night after work and met Chris's cousin Shaun and his wife Candace out to eat. Then we went to their house and spent the night. The boys played the PlayStation and the guys hung out by a fire. We got up the next morning to Candace cooking us a nice breakfast. After we ate and got ready for the day we headed out side to their pond to shoot skeet. We spent the whole day out there. It was alot of fun and the boys had a really good time. We cooked out and built a fire. I even shot some skeet and Chris was happy. I don't really care to shoot but that made his day. We left that evening to head back home. I went to bed early to be sure I woke up in time for Sunday School. And I did. I truly enjoyed the lesson. It really made me think about how I want to be remembered when I do part from this life. The worship service and sermon was wonderful too. Again I was pondering on things in my life and the Lord laid somethings on me. A great day at church! After I got home I didn't do much of anything but rest. I did make some Chicken and Dumplings for dinner, washed a few loads of clothes but that was about it. I have been so busy lately I just needed some down time. Tonight we are going to bring in the New Year at BIL house with friends and family. Fireworks and a bonfire, food and fun.

Here are some pictures from this weekend:

Christmas pictures

Pictures From Christmas Eve and Day

This Video is of Dustin and Colton in a Sing off, sorry it is so dark.

We had a really full 4 days. It was fun, lots of food, playing, watching the kids, enjoying one another. This was a blessed Christmas.

I don't have many pictures. I tried to video as much as I could.

Case Of "The Don't Want To's"

This is how I feel today. It is Friday, the last working day before Christmas and half the office is on vacation. I have the don't want to's today. Boy does that make the day go by slow.

I am looking forward to being off for 4 days and spending Christmas with my kids. All of them this year. Dustin and Lauren will be home on Christmas Day. They don't go to their dad's til the day after. We are going to Chris's Cousin's house tomorrow just mainly to visit and get the deer meat he has for us and then Sunday we will be in Church. I can't wait. With all the busyness of Playoffs and Holiday work schedule we haven't been in Church in over a month. I am ready to get back. Afterwards I don't imagine we will do much, maybe cook some and make some cookies with the kids. Monday, on Christmas Eve we are all going to my In laws house and my Sister and her family are stopping by to bring the kids their presents. Then it is home to get ready for Santa. I think that if we are home in time that we might get a cake baked for Jesus' Birthday. I have been doing that the last few years to celebrate with.

I am just ready for the hustle and bustle to be over with. I am slap worn out.

Now that Christmas is here I have no clue as to what I will be threatening my children with. As of now no one should have any gifts left and only coal and switches coming from Santa. But I think that they have caught on to me and know that they are getting what their heart's desire. Dustin and Lauren want money. Well they are getting $ on top of what is under the tree and T.V.s from Santa. So with that being said Dustin is getting his Letterman jacket. We ordered it this week. The Coach (School) pays for the Jacket itself and we had to buy all the patches and pay for them to get put on. $172.00 was my cost. And to think he has 2.5 mores years of School to add more patches to it. He is really excited about getting it though and I am happy that he is able to get it as a Sophmore.
For all my family and friends out there Have yourself a Very Merry and Blessed Christmas. Remember the reason behind the season is Jesus and Give him Praise for it!

Guitar Man

My little Guitar Man

More Pictures from Grandma's

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Pictures from Last week

Christa, Lauren, Lane, Dustin, Wes, and Colton before Papaw Tatum's Funeral

Lane at my work Christmas Party

Colleen (my sister), Me, Adam (Brother), Holly (Cousin) and Grandma

Colleen, Dustin, and Lauren at Grandmas

Holly, Aunt Dixie, and Aunt Caroline at Grandmas

Aspen Dancing at Grandma's Christmas

To Grandma's we go....

Busy, Busy!
I have been so busy these last few days.
We had Mr. Tatum's funeral services Thursday and all went well. We ended up having to take all the kids. Lane of course had lots of questions. After it was all over he told me that "His heart was with Jesus in Heaven" and "I want to Go in a Green Box". But he really did well during the services. After we got home that evening I took the boys to the Children's Christmas Party at my job. They got to see Santa, get a gift and eat pizza. They had a really good time after a long day of confusion.
Friday I went to talk with the Dr. for a follow-up on Lanes new medicine and also took Dustin in for an ear infection. Turns out that his ear drum had ruptured from the pressure and it is hurting him pretty bad. He has had quite a few infections this year so we are going to take him to a specialist (ENT). Maybe he can treat him aggressively and get this resolved without putting tubes in his ears. The Dr. also wants to increase Lane's medicine. He started him on a very low dosage and we will be increasing every couple of weeks til we see improvement.
Today Dustin, Lauren and I went to town early to do some Christmas shopping. Boy was it crowded. But we got it done and met Chris and the Boys at Grandma's house for Christmas Gathering there. We ate, sang carols, exchanged gifts, got to visit and took lots of pictures. I will get some posted later. I got to visit with my cousin and her baby from Colorado. I haven't seen her in a few years and this was my first time to see the baby. It was nice to see them both. But now I am at work for the entire night. Usually when I have to work all night I try to get lots of rest that day, but I had no time for that today. I had too much to do. And as things are looking I will not get any rest until I get home in the morning.

honoring the fallen

Wordless Wednesday

Sorry So Late

I know that these pictures are like way over due but if you only knew all I have been going through you wouldn't even question it. These are from our trip to College Station to play on Kyle Field. This place holds over 80,000 people. It was really neat to be there, even though we aren't Aggie fans.

Going Home At Last.

I worked all day Saturday and I wasn't really busy. I had full intentions on blogging but I got caught up in some of the blogs I read every week. I was visiting and reading Kadi Prescott's blog at Seven Seeds and was drawn to a post she had. I then linked over to Boothe Farley's Blog Keeping Awake. I read the entire blog site from June til now. I was so wrapped up in it I just couldn't stop. They have recently lost their second daughter to a uncommon chromosomal abnormality, Trisomy-18 (or Edward's syndrome). It really made me look at my life with 4 healthy children and how selfish I can be. Also just how much I take for granted and then the self pity I have when my children aren't behaving just the way I want them too. Boy If you need a good reality check or just a really good cry I would suggest checking it out.
On another note I did get some shopping done on Sunday. Not all but some. Chris came home from his hunting trip with his dad also. He only got a hog no deer. It was just too hot he said. Either way he had a great time. Upon their return he found out that his Grandpa was not doing well at all. He had slipped into a coma and the nursing home had called in Hospis. I told Chris last night that it would not be much longer. And sure enough this morning before 6am we got the call. The most Godliest man I have ever known went to be with Jesus. When I woke Chris up this morning the only thing he said about it was "Well I know he is happy now, and he (Asa) has waited for this his whole life." Not sure of the funeral arrangements yet. I am sure that most of it is all taken care of and that it will just be a matter of the availability for the services.
I know that this week will be rough on Chris. He is going today to except his new job offer and find out when he can start. Then he has the tough duty of telling his boss now. He will try everything to keep him but our minds are made up. We have brought this to the Lord many times and this is what we feel he is leading us to do. Pray for our family this week for comfort and peace as week go through this tough time with a job change and the death of Asa Tatum, Chris's Grandpa.

A running fridge and half cooked bird

I left at 10:45 this morning from work, picked up Dustin from school (claiming to be sick), drove 25 miles to buy a new fridge and when I got there the young man I had been doing business with over the phone was gone.... Hello I told him what time I was coming. Fortunately there was a nice guy that was willing to help me out and did a great job at it. I am kinda excited about it but I will say that, This is not going to be my Christmas present! I always end up getting screwed like that. Not this year.

Ok so I am leaving the parking lot and realize that if I don't grab lunch now that I won't get to eat. So I pulled in the DQ next door and order lunch through the drive thru for Dustin and I. I got a breaded chicken sandwich combo and he gets a triple meat and cheese burger combo. Total was over $15. While driving back my 25 miles to work I am happily eating my sandwich when I realize it is still raw in the middle. YUCK! I about threw up the rest of the way back to work. I called them and spoke to the manager told her the "deal" and also gave her my name because if I get sick. Whew, God knows what I will do if I get sick. Beings that I was so late coming back to work I didn't have time to go back to get a refund or replacement. Not that I wanted another raw chicken sandwich. So after I get back to work I started searching on eating raw chicken and what it will do to you. I have always heard not to but haven't ever tried it. I didn't know truly what would happen. I don't know if it is still my head playing games or what but my stomach is still rolling and I am afraid to fart with the fear of pooping in my pants at work. In searching the net on raw chicken I came across what looked like my sandwich. Which by the way I didn't throw away just in case I needed proof......

Well I guess I answered my own question from this mornings post of "What else is next?"

Oh and I talked to Chris earlier and another guy that they are hunting with has already shot an 8 point buck while riding on his 4-wheeler to the stand. Awe, where is the luck?

Golden Throne

Have you ever seen a Golden Throne? This is in the public restrooms on The Mountain in Canton Texas.
Since I totally missed Wordless Wednesday yesterday I still want to show the picture I was going to post.

Rain, rain go away!

When will the low black cloud lift? I feel some day’s as if I am going drown from all this rain coming down on me. Since September just about every week, we have had something going on or should I say wrong. The truck broke down - $1800 to fix, Dustin misses first day of school from poison ivy, and then he gets staph. A week later, he is put into the hospital for it. Then I get it. 2 weeks after that he gets a hernia, and then a week later has surgery for that. Lane gets pneumonia; we all have the stomach virus throughout my house. My sister has surgery on her back, which means she is going to get back on painkillers. Chris has his little hunting trip that ended in a sliced up thumb, busted back window in the brand new truck, and three tickets. My microwave goes out, sick kids, Doctor here pharmacy there. Have not even started my Christmas shopping because of catching up on late bills. Got the news about Lane that really, I was expecting but now it is just sinking in to me. We lose in the playoff games. Dustin falls busted his chin, chips a tooth, and jammed his jaw, Chris finds out that he is only getting $500 for his bonus at work and the latest is my fridge when out on me 2 nights ago that I do not have the money to fix. Now I am not sure if Chris will even get a bonus or not since, he is going to be switching jobs. Well it is not in stone yet but will be on Monday. Ok what else is next…? I have absolutely no time left at work and I have to drive 25 miles one way to buy a fridge on my lunch hour. Then Dustin is crying about being sick at school and needs to go home from school. Hello, how am I going to fit that into my hour and find something to eat also? In addition, to top this all off Chris left last night to go hunting away with his dad and will not be home until Sunday. I have to work 13 hours Saturday and shop (maybe if I have any $) on Sunday which means the kids will be home all weekend by themselves and there is no telling what will go wrong there. Oh, by the way we still owe $350 on the truck we had fixed 3 months ago. Ok when will it end?
Lord, I need a breather here. The enemy has had me under attack for too long. I need strength and rest. Help me to rejoice in you no matter what my circumstances are!

weekend update

I have so much to talk about today so forgive me if I jump around on topics.

First, We had an appt. Friday for Lane to go over his evaluation forms I sent in a couple of months ago. Right now he is a little too young to correctly diagnosis him but there is definitely something going on. Hello? I have been saying that for over 2 years. Anyway at this point we are going to keep a close watch and are leaning to Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Aggressive Behavior, or Bipolar Disorder or could be a combination of all. We are going to treat him with a mild medication for 2 weeks and see what happens. I had a really hard time talking with the Dr. I broke down, even though I was praying I wouldn't. I have been dealing with this for so long that it has really gotten me broken inside and it hurts. I am at my wits end. Just don't know what else to do. With him starting school this coming year, it really scares me.

After leaving the Dr. we headed to College Station for the playoff game that night. Well we lost. 35-14. It was sad and the guys were upset but it is over for this season. I look at it like this, now I can put the $$ I was spending in tickets, gas, and food to go to these games to my Christmas presents I still have to get. Speaking of which I have only bought a couple of items. Still have no idea if Santa is going to be able to afford the motorcycle and four wheeler that the boys want. We'll be getting that at the last minute.

Saturday night was Lauren's birthday party and it went well. We had about 20 kids there. Which is better for me than the almost 50 she invited. We turned the shop into a dance room. Disco ball, neon black lights, and a strobe light. And of course there had to be an injury just glad it was one of me kids and not someone elses. Dustin was dancing around and fell. Busted his chin up, chipped a tooth and jammed his jaw. He is going to be fine, but I tell ya that kid has had one heck of a school year. The rest of the party went without injury, TTL.

Sunday was a very lazy day. I slept til 11:30. That is when everyone started calling to wish Lauren Happy Birthday. She is 14. Wow. Time sure has flown by. I slept a while in the late afternoon too, since I had to go into work at 9pm. Didn't get much rest at work last night, only about an hour. And it is going to be a long day today.

Chris leaves Wednesday night for a 4 day hunting trip with his dad. I sure hope he brings home a couple of deer and even a hog would be nice. He really needs to make up for what he lost out on opening weekend. His dad killed 2 deer and a hog there last year. And they have had some good kills this season already.