Examine your Heart!

I got this in an email today....... Praise God for this man!

Guess our national leaders didn ' t expect this, hmm? On Thursday, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton , Colorado , was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee ' s subcommittee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful. They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript: "Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out f or answers. "The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used.. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain ' s heart. "In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter... I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don ' t believe that they are responsible for my daughter ' s death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel ' s murder I would be their strongest opponent. I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy -- it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best.
Your laws ignore our deepest needs, Your words are empty air. You ' ve stripped away our heritage, You ' ve outlawed simple prayer. Now gunshots fill our classrooms, And precious children die. You seek for answers everywhere, And ask the question "Why?" You regulate restrictive laws, Through legislative creed. And yet you fail to understand, That God is what we need! " Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, mind, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educational systems for most of our nation ' s history.. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine ' s tragedy occurs -- politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws. Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts. "As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America , and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain.. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA -- I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the first stone! My daughter ' s death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!"

In Loving Memory 9-30-00

On Saturday, September 30, 2000, Mom called. She was coming to Kirbyville for her eldest grandson’s, Dustin, Pee-Wee football game. Mom had just had a colon resection done nine weeks prior. Her youngest grandson, at the time, had been sick. Mom was calling to see if Wes was well. When she called me, I told her that Wes was fine and that she would need to be here around noon. She told me she was leaving, had to stop to get cash and gas and then she would be on her way. My house is about 50 miles away from hers, so I figured she would be here with in an hour or so. As that time neared, I was beginning to wonder if she stopped to pick up lunch for us. As it got closer to noon, I decided that my husband, Chris, and Dustin should go to town and get hamburgers.
Chris called me on his cell phone and said there had been a wreck at the end of our road. The emergency crews called for Life Flight and were waiting for it to land on the highway. While Chris was on the phone with me, he asked what kind of cars were involved. The volunteer told him a small gold car and a small white truck. At that moment I knew in my heart who it was. Chris said let me check it out and I’ll call you right back. I started praying the second we hung up. I couldn’t wait a minute longer, so I called Chris. All he said when he answered was it’s your mom. I hung up the phone, jumped up screaming at Lauren, who was a sleep in the chair, and ran to the car. As I was flying down our dirt road Chris was coming back to stop me. I demanded to go down there to at least tell the crews about her surgery. The officer that I got to talk with told me that she was really bad and in Cardiac Arrest. They told us to get to the hospital and not to try to beat the helicopter.
We went back to the house. I put on my shoes and grabbed my address book. After we dropped the kids at a relatives house, we headed for the hospital. Besides trying to reach family, friends, and my pastor, all I can recall saying was “Please don’t let her die”. When we got to the hospital, Chris’s mom was there waiting and life flight had already arrived. After answering as many questions that I could, the hospital personnel put us into a family room. We made some more phone calls and then the doctor came in. He sat down with us and asked me if mom had any health problems. I told him what I knew and then with four simple words, my world fell apart. He told us “She didn’t make it.” He told us that he would come back after the other family arrived. One by one, my brother, my Father-in-law, 3 of mom’s closest friends, my sister and my pastor arrived. After we stood around in shock and cried with one another they told us we were able to go back to see her. That was really hard to do. When we went in there she was lying there so peacefully. She had some bruising to her face, and a laceration on her forehead. Other than that, there were no apparent injuries.
We later found out that, from the force of the impact, her Aorta was ruptured. She was stopped to turn on my road when she was hit from the rear at about 70 MPH. Thankfully she never knew what hit her. To this day we still do not know why this young man wasn’t paying attention to the road. Unfortunately his negligence killed someone. We all have a responsibility when we get in our car. Watch the road and the People around you.

That almost seems like a lifetime ago. God has done a mighty work in my mind and my heart since that day. He has giving me peace about the guy that hit her, being I live in the same town as him. He has delivered me from deep depression and has taken away that deep pain of grief. I miss her more than ever but it is different now then it was. Several years ago the hurt and grief was still so achingly strong but lately it has been more of a peaceful feeling and a flood of memories.
I love you mom and miss you dearly.......

Holiday weekend fun

Well here we are again, it is Friday. What a fast week and not too bad. Memorial Weekend is here and we have a full weekend planned. Tonight is Wes's last baseball game of this season. Oh did I mention that the team is undefeated. Good Job Boys! Saturday is a day of fun in the sun at the camp on the river. We are so looking forward to just relaxing with the family and some friends. With Sunday comes a busy day.... 7:30 am we load the bus with our baseball team and families to head to Houston for the Astros game. Youth Baseball Parade ~ This popular parade features hundreds of kids and their coaches from area youth baseball and softball leagues. All kids and coaches in uniform (and with game tickets) may participate by lining up at the right field gate no later than 11:00 a.m. Our Boys are so excited. Game time is at 1:05pm and then the long 2 1/2 hour ride home. I am sure there will be alot of tired parents and kiddos on the bus coming home. I am charging my camera for some good pictures this weekend. Monday we are off for the holiday, Praise God! Chris is taking the boys fishing at a friend's house while I take Lauren shopping for her 8th grade graduation outfit. Oh my baby girl is going to high school....Then we will return home for me to get a perm in my hair and cook out on the grill.

I would like to take a few moments and tell you that times are hard for alot of people right now and if you would, please pray for all those that lost a family member this week. I personally know of 3 that passed away here in my town and then I also learned of Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter being involved in a tragic accident. Things happen at times that leave us devastated and grieving deeply. Things that are total out of our control. Death perhaps being the hardest to deal with. But there is a God that knows all things, loves at all times and has a purpose for every detail in our life. Please lift up these families this weekend and the weeks to come.

" The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all"
~ Psalms 34:18-19

Missing you Mom!

I was a little sad yesterday that I no longer have my mother to call or visit on Mother's Day. I cried a bit Saturday night going to bed wishing that she was still here. And again on Sunday morning at Church Services. Because I was home taking care of post-op children, I was not able to visit the cemetery with my sister. Here is a picture that she sent me.

We miss you mom! You can go to her memorial website that I made at www.geocities.com/amy041774

sucking up the dirty fuel

Friday night after moving beds around for the boys rooms my vacuum bit the dust. So Lane and I made a flying trip to Walmart to get a new one. Boy I didn't realize how much my old on wasn't picking up. I have used it everyday since then and I am still getting tons of dirt out of the living room carpet. I guess it is time to do a shampoo on it.







On the way home I noticed that my car was driving weird. Then Sunday Evening on the way home from Church my Service Engine Soon light came on. So yesterday Chris drove it to work to see what I was talking about. Well it died on him twice coming home. Sorry Babe, Glad it was you and not me. I am so thankful that we still have our older truck. We kept it for Dustin when he turns of age next month. I guess it will be my ride for the next week or so til I can get mine fixed. Beings it is going to cost me around $500 I have to wait til next week to do it.

My finances are a little slim this week because there is so much going on. I am supposed to pay $250 ded. tomorrow for Lane's EEG, not going to happen now. They will be Lucky I am paying less than half, I leave for Mississippi to my Nana and Pop's on Saturday. Well just the $ for diesel alone is going to eat my lunch. And Chris is going Friday to finish his Tattoo. That has been scheduled for weeks now. So since we do have 3 vehicles my Tahoe is back burner for a week now.

Today is Dustin and Alicia's 6 month anniversary. Oh first loves. It is so cute. They are really both good, smart kids. We love her and she is so sweet.

Thursday is a big day for us, too. Lauren has Cheer tryouts Thursday. She is trying out at noon because she runs track and has a meet that afternoon also. So they are letting those on track try out early. They will not know if they made it or not til after the others try out which won't be til 4pm. She will have to wait for a phone call. We also have to be at a funeral at 2pm, 20 mins away so hopefully things will go smoothly at try outs and we (Dustin and I) won't be late for the funeral.

It is for one of Dustins best friends' cousin. Her name is Hannah and she was born with an enlarged heart and had a heart transplant early on. She has battled with this all her life and it has been alot of ups and downs for her and her family. Well God called her sweet young soul home Sunday night. She has been in good health lately and just didn't feel well Sunday evening. Said she didn't feel good. Sat down after her bath that evening after 9pm and went home to be with her Jesus. Just like that. Just peaceful and painless. She was 10 years old.

One of the kickers to the story that has been bothering me is that my coworker's, that took her own life back in January, Husband and boys were there when Hannah died. Her dad and Laura's husband are great friends.

Good Bye Julian

I have been following a story of a little boy from Fort Worth who has touched the world. Although he was dying of brain cancer this little boy touched so many life's. You can visit his site at http://www.carepages.com/ and sign up (it is free) his page is Julian's world. This is the post from his mom from yesterday. Please keep this family in your prayers.

from Mimi:
"Time of Death ,11:22am ... Never thought I would ever hear these words about my 4 1/2 year old son. But this morning , those words got engraved in my mind and my heart forever.
Julian fought until the last painful breath. Again NOTHING peaceful about this process until , until he stopped gasping for air. Julian looked like a fish out of the water, trying so hard to fill those lungs, but nothing. You could see the normal breathing motions his body made, but nothing got past his throat. Finally he stopped fighting.
When he started having a hard time breathing I went to get Ken . He stood on one side of the bed and I was on it with Julian. We talked him thru his transition. We told him it would be ok. We told him we were proud of him. I told him to say Hi to Jesus for me. I told him that Cody and Jacob were waiting for him . I told him that we would be ok. I told him he wouldn't hurt anymore. I told him good night. I told him I loved him. I told him to play and run.
The nurse took his shirt off and told us to touch him, that he could feel us and we needed to feel him . I put my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart beat. Then it slowed down . Then I could not feel it anymore. I heard his first heartbeat and felt his last one. I was texting Debra right before, texted her Julian was gone, she called and got in her car and came. I got Mamie, she told Ju bye. And Papy. We got the boys and told them . Sam asked if we were sure he was gone. Then he said it was weird because he didnt feel like crying. Then he asked to hold him. I needed to clean and dress Ju first.
Debra got here, helped me a little, cried a lot... They are not supposed to get attached, how can you not get attached to Ju? I held Julian. Debra gave him a bed bath, as she had been doing for the past few weeks, put lotion all over him, loved and kissed on him. 1 month ago , she didn't even know him, now she is grieving just as we are. That is what Julian is all about. LOVE, unconditional love... He touched Debra, she touched my heart... Ken , Debra, Mamie, Sam, Gma and I held Julian. Maybe others did, I am not sure.
Dana and Jessi came. Pastor Kevin and Vicki, Zach and Sam.Diane came by, Pastor Blair and Pat. Vickie and Gerald. Nanny. It is now 6 something pm. Dana and her family are still here with us . I love those guys! Thank you ... Funeral home men came to get him this afternoon. Ken carried him to the van, with his blankie (his Christmas blankie he would share with every one) one of his mimis and one of his dinosaurs. We don't know any details on viewing and funeral yet. We will let you know, just make sure you have your YELLOW SHIRTS HANDY !!!!
FLY HIGH MUNCHKIN ... I love you all the way to China, you are the best, you know that? I love your smell too baby... Your mama ..."

A rough weekend

Monday again, Thank God I made it through the weekend. Friday after work a large group from work went to Laura's Visitation at her Church. It was unbelievable all the people that were there. I was alright until I saw her boys and her husband. I just feel so bad for them. I got to meet her parents and her brother for the first time. Great people. They miss her terribly. Saturday morning was the funeral. That was very difficult. There were so many people there. I am guessing about 2000. Their Church will seat about 1400 and there was loads in the balcony and standing room only. It was a very lifting service as well as a tribute to her life. It lasted over a hour and then majority of them went to the cemetery as well.


I woke up in the early hours of Saturday morning to use the restroom and realized I had an UTI. So I was uncomfortable during the services. But I made it home close to 2 p.m. I didn't do a thing all day. Chris had plans to take the kids and a group of their friends Bowling that evening. It worked out well with just Lane and I being at home. Since I have been having trouble sleeping we went to bed by 8 p.m.


Sunday morning I woke with pains from the UTI and also a terrible sinus headache. By late afternoon, I was able to kick my family in gear to help clean up the heaping piles of junk throughout my house. It was one hell of a week and I didn't do crap. As a result, it took all 6 of us to get it close to normal yesterday. I still didn't get my Christmas decorations put up, maybe this weekend.


Maybe this week we will be able to get back to normal routines at work. I have a call into my pastor to set up a time to meet with him. I just really need to get spiritual guidance through all this. I don't want to loose my grip with my faith and the enemy has really been doing a number with some unanswered questions and thoughts. I know I will never know "WHY" but I just need to talk with him.

In Memory Laura A Smith

We all need to call

On God’s holy power

When we’re in our deepest need

And in our saddest hour

God is never distant

He sheds a tear with you

He knows the pain your feeling

And what you’re going through

When you place your hope

In His undying love

You will know His peace

Like a mighty rushing flood.

© By M.S.Lowndes

SHOCKING

I lost a good friend and coworker yesterday. I am in just complete shock over it. A 37 year old, good, loving, beautiful person, wife, mother of 2 beautiful boys, but all that doesn't compair I guess to the thoughts she had of herself. She took her own life early yesterday afternoon. She dropped her boys to her parent's house and was in a good mood, smiling, talked about meeting them for lunch at 11:30. But she never came to work. Instead she went up the highway a couple of miles and turned off on a county road. Went down about 1/2 a mile or so pulled up to a gate to a hay pasture and only she knows how long she sat there. But the call came into 911 at 1:26 pm.
I just wonder what all was going through her head, how long was this planned, was it from the years of depression and guilt from her twin sister's suicide about 18 years ago? All of us at work today are just numb, confused, lots of unanswered questions.
I guess you really don't know about people even though you think you know them... I just feel so bad for her family. Her boys, husband and her parents. They are reliving what they went through with her twin sister all those years ago.
Now we wait for the services and try to live life as well as we can. Try to get through the day with out driving ourselves crazy with all the questions and thoughts running through our heads.

To Grandma's we go....

Busy, Busy!
I have been so busy these last few days.
We had Mr. Tatum's funeral services Thursday and all went well. We ended up having to take all the kids. Lane of course had lots of questions. After it was all over he told me that "His heart was with Jesus in Heaven" and "I want to Go in a Green Box". But he really did well during the services. After we got home that evening I took the boys to the Children's Christmas Party at my job. They got to see Santa, get a gift and eat pizza. They had a really good time after a long day of confusion.
Friday I went to talk with the Dr. for a follow-up on Lanes new medicine and also took Dustin in for an ear infection. Turns out that his ear drum had ruptured from the pressure and it is hurting him pretty bad. He has had quite a few infections this year so we are going to take him to a specialist (ENT). Maybe he can treat him aggressively and get this resolved without putting tubes in his ears. The Dr. also wants to increase Lane's medicine. He started him on a very low dosage and we will be increasing every couple of weeks til we see improvement.
Today Dustin, Lauren and I went to town early to do some Christmas shopping. Boy was it crowded. But we got it done and met Chris and the Boys at Grandma's house for Christmas Gathering there. We ate, sang carols, exchanged gifts, got to visit and took lots of pictures. I will get some posted later. I got to visit with my cousin and her baby from Colorado. I haven't seen her in a few years and this was my first time to see the baby. It was nice to see them both. But now I am at work for the entire night. Usually when I have to work all night I try to get lots of rest that day, but I had no time for that today. I had too much to do. And as things are looking I will not get any rest until I get home in the morning.

Going Home At Last.

I worked all day Saturday and I wasn't really busy. I had full intentions on blogging but I got caught up in some of the blogs I read every week. I was visiting and reading Kadi Prescott's blog at Seven Seeds and was drawn to a post she had. I then linked over to Boothe Farley's Blog Keeping Awake. I read the entire blog site from June til now. I was so wrapped up in it I just couldn't stop. They have recently lost their second daughter to a uncommon chromosomal abnormality, Trisomy-18 (or Edward's syndrome). It really made me look at my life with 4 healthy children and how selfish I can be. Also just how much I take for granted and then the self pity I have when my children aren't behaving just the way I want them too. Boy If you need a good reality check or just a really good cry I would suggest checking it out.
On another note I did get some shopping done on Sunday. Not all but some. Chris came home from his hunting trip with his dad also. He only got a hog no deer. It was just too hot he said. Either way he had a great time. Upon their return he found out that his Grandpa was not doing well at all. He had slipped into a coma and the nursing home had called in Hospis. I told Chris last night that it would not be much longer. And sure enough this morning before 6am we got the call. The most Godliest man I have ever known went to be with Jesus. When I woke Chris up this morning the only thing he said about it was "Well I know he is happy now, and he (Asa) has waited for this his whole life." Not sure of the funeral arrangements yet. I am sure that most of it is all taken care of and that it will just be a matter of the availability for the services.
I know that this week will be rough on Chris. He is going today to except his new job offer and find out when he can start. Then he has the tough duty of telling his boss now. He will try everything to keep him but our minds are made up. We have brought this to the Lord many times and this is what we feel he is leading us to do. Pray for our family this week for comfort and peace as week go through this tough time with a job change and the death of Asa Tatum, Chris's Grandpa.